Good day people… Lets Talk!

So today I want to talk about relationships… DON’T SCROLL, its a little bit of not your normal talk and a little bit of normal. This is inspired by recent notifications on my part, of what happens in the day to day lives of people around me (on a general basis, I.e. including ppl I don’t relate with) that has made me worry a little more than a bit.
So I am going to take the big step of assuming that everyone knows what a relationship is. I’m going to be referring to all kinds of relationships including family, friends, relationship partners, and ourselves even. Any relationship takes at least two people and must have some basis of some sort. It could be love, mutual likes, blood, attractions, beliefs etc.
Now my question is this, how much value do we put into our relationships?, because if we did value them, we wouldn’t let them end on such frivolous notes. I hear of relationships ending under days, and the rate at which people change best friends… Sorry, but to me its plainly alarming. First of all I do not believe these relationships have a strong enough basis or maybe there happens to be lack of value. Before you regard someone as your friend, before even being a best friend, I think that you must have some primal value for the person and to some extent the person must have proved to be ‘worthy’ of that title. And to call yourself a person friend, sibling, partner or even a close family member, you have to know that you should live up to that role, and yes (not to mount on pressure) it is a role, because for a person to refer to you (seriously) as the ‘persons person’ as we love to say in Nigeria, you have to be playing a good enough role in that persons life.
Now relationships differ from acquaintances all the way to blood ties. As an acquaintance I don’t think you particularly owe the person any form of obligation other than the occasional greeting an small talk. Now when your a friend that’s a whole new level. I take my friendships really personally (I sure hope this doesn’t scare anyone away from me if they read this), like am on some David and Jonathan kinda level here (they are biblical people). I mean, to me those where friends. I look into my bible and I see so many verses of scripture that talk about being a persons friend. Maybe I should do a list and post it on here for good measure. Friends affect ones life on a great level and to be able to demand quality friendship from someone else you first of all owe it to that person to be a great friend. There are the unspoken ground rules or friendship codes we have in our society like; don’t gossip about your friend, always have their back etc, and yes, they very well do apply to all friendships although they may differ in relation to gender (we all know boys and girls treat their friends differently). Apart from those basics, you need to learn to influence that persons life positively, by the things you say, do and even advice them to do. I like to see a positive mark left by my existence in somebody’s life.
To even begin with, I think we should all know that a crucial part of any relationship is getting to know each other, so pause here, think of all the people in your inner circle and answer this question; do you really know your friends?. You do need to know them and about them. Their moods, what ticks them off and what makes them happy, how they react to stuff and what they like. You know, like really get to know them. How do you do this you may ask, simple, start to notice them, talk to your friends, LISTEN to them (both literally and between the lines), do stuff with them. Its a full time job I know so that’s why its reserved for the selected few you choose to identify yourself with. Then please uphold all the unspoken but well known rules amongst which include but are not limited to:
Do not talk about your friend behind their backs,
Do not run them down, even to their faces,
When its a secret, it IS a secret,
Do not sleep with, flirt with, fantasize about or generally cheat with prohibited people such as their boyfriends or fathers etc,
Do not lie to them,
Correct them… amongst others.
Then there are those things we should learn to overlook and forgive. I personally think relationships suffer the major problem of people acting out their hurt instead of saying them out. Its not totally bad all the time but some people just do not know how to read signs so please just come out with it. Its much better when you talk about something than when you let it fester in your heart. And while your at it do it very nicely please because just as my bible says in Proverbs 15:1, a gentle answer turns away wrath but grievous words stir up anger. To that, please when your friend tells you sorry about something wrong they did, please forgive n forget it and do not always bring it up. Especially when you know the person is truly sorry. Again, a lot of us have a very disturbing habit of getting angry over very nominal or little things. Nominal because you may be the only one to which this grievance exists and small because literally theses stuff are so little, I wonder why there’s need for a spat. We should learn to overlook a lot of stuff that our friends do because they most likely didn’t even do it to spite us in the first place so let’s calm down and let it pass. If you really do not want a repeat then tell them about it when you are less angry cause you will talk about it better.
Lastly (hoping there’s nothing am forgetting to mention) please make an effort, call your friends and find out what’s up with them, visit them, make them feel special, and be a great support.
Now moving on to the second thing after being a great friend: Learn to filter the people you call friends, I.e. Have great friends. You do not just go about choosing anybody to be your friend. I mean if your gonna put all that energy into a relationship it better be reciprocated right?. Well then start to choose well, if your gonna influence your friends then they are sure to influence you too. There are endless quotes about this stuff and the honest truth is that a lot of them are accurate. Surround yourself with people who see greatness in you and who you can see working with you towards bringing it out, with people who are on the same or similar missions with you. Surround yourself with positive, honest, clean and moral people. Your friends should reflect who you are, what you support, what you think and your personality in general so think about that while choosing friends. Am not saying you shouldn’t be friends with people who do bad stuff cause someone has got to help us all out of the gutter, but if you know your will isn’t strong enough to override that persons own then please flee all appearances Of evil. Stay around a person and really get to know if that person is worth the risk before including that person in your circle and yes friendships are risks, all relationships are. I thinks I have adequately made my point about choosing friends so now the next part:
Our romantic relationships. The way I see it, just scroll back up read all of that and apply it. I mean basically the only difference is that you really want to make out with this person. Other than that its a usual friendship. Now if you see yourself spending the rest of your life with this person there’s plenty more work. If I have not mentioned that you should pray earnestly for your friends before now, am saying it now and when you want to or are considering spending your life with a person, I cannot even begin to over emphasise how much you should involve God, we are talking about a life long unbreakable relationship here so its serious. Learn to be a partner, to be considerate and compromise. These relationships are serious but I would not over talk, just go to your church for adequate counselling.
Now lastly but not the least: Family. The ones we can’t run away from. Love them, protect them, forgive them, oblige them, indulge them, include them, talk to them, correct them, be true to them and embrace them. At the end of the day there’s nothing like family. They are a representation of what God wants the whole world to be. Accept them and train them.
If I may conclude this whole long gist, I will say its never to late to build bridges. We can always go back and be the bigger person by forgiving a wrong, or saying sorry. Calling or simply smiling. Let’s begin to take relationships seriously and start to care about peoples feeling. Have a great week loves. :*


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